Dear Selena,

Hey girl hey! What's up? How's it going? Sorry to hear about your break up with The Weeknd but... The Heart Wants What It Wants, amiright??? LOL. I crack myself up.

Anyway, enough with the small talk. I'm here to chat about the pictures. You know the ones.

First of all, I'm incredibly disappointed that neither of you had the decency to tell me you were dipping back into that ~same old love~. Honestly, it was kind of rude of you both not to prepare me for the emotional rollercoaster that I am sure we are about to embark upon. Also, I now have to rescind my crush on Justin in deference to you. -extremely Stephanie Tanner voice- How rude!

Second of all, what's the deal with these bikes? Why does Justin's have treads like he's about to compete in the X Games, but yours (so cute btw, can I borrow it sometime?) looks well-equipped for an early morning ride to the beach. Did you both just hop on your bikes and embark from your individual homes? Do you live near each other? Is this near your houses? Or did you toss your bikes in a car, meet up, and then bike??? So many questions, so few answers. My most important question, however, is why the F you aren't riding a tandem bike. We, the people, deserved that.

Third and final question: What was the Biebz listening to? I see that he's given up on his AirPods (good riddance) but it seems rather rude that he's got headphones in while spending time with you. Unless you were giving him an exclusive preview of new music??? In whichcase, I want in. "Wolves" is straight fire, btw. You're welcome for the ~$3.00 I've earned you from listening to it on repeat since its release.

You look happy, Sel. And when you're happy, we're happy.

Keep me updated about Charlie's custody agreement with Abel- If you need a pupsitter, you know where to reach me!!!

Talk soon gal pal! - Brighid

P.S. How do you pull off a groutfit so flawlessly??? Teach me your ways.

 
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Dear Taylor,

I know we've had our difficulties. Some differences of opinion, if you will. I miss all of the good times we had back in 2006, when your hair was long and your videos weren't full of robots and poorly veiled agendas. Alas, here we are. And we need to talk. 

What is your DEAL??? I gave you a pass on "Look What You Made Me Do". You wanna put a vendetta song on your album? Fine, cool, I get that "Bad Blood" worked out well for you. But then you dropped the video for "...Ready For It?" and well... We weren't.

It's tough love time. Let me level here with you, Tay- I have things to do. I don't have time to spend my entire day analyzing every piece of content you release. I don't even want to CARE but unfortunately that's what my boss pays me to do. (I will, however, own up to the fact that I laughed for a solid minute about the fact that you were born in the Year of the Snake.) You want my unsolicited advice? Just hop on Facebook Live and spill the tea.

I realize we're only two videos into what is rumored to be a visual album, so I have a long road of tolerance ahead of me. But there's still time, Emo Taylor. Take a hint from a more popular ice queen and just let it go.

- Brighid

 
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Dear Justin,

First of all, thank you for finally answering the number two question I’ve always wanted to ask you: How do you wash your face in the morning?! (In case you were wondering, my number one question is whether or not you rinse and repeat when you wash your hair, and my third question involves your thoughts on bringing Blackberry mobile devices back. RE: the Blackberries, I really think you and I could get it started.)

As your neighbor in “Oil Central”, USA, I gave your routine a shot (using products found at my local drugstore because apparently Christie Kidd isn’t actually available to us normal humans and I simply do not have $30 to spend on your daily sunscreen), complete with the SHABLAM! all over my (considerably less charming) dome. I think I figured out your problem!!! YOU DIDN’T TURN ON YOUR CLARISONIC, PAL. OF COURSE YOU’RE STILL BREAKING OUT. Also, you wear a lot of bandanas. That definitely doesn’t help.

Anyway, let me know if you want to get facials. I’m free pretty much every day until 2037 because I’m not an international pop star, so just LMK.

XOXO TTYS - Brighid

 

The views and opinions expressed in these letters are those of the authors and do not reflect Music Choice views.